My hair has a long and proud history of being an unstoppable asshole.
I have naturally curly hair. It has been the source of much angst and horror throughout my life. People say, “oh you’re so lucky! I wish I had naturally curly hair!” No, you don’t. Trust.
When I was 0 to 2 years old, no one could have ever foretold the terror that it would become:
Okay, so that’s fine. It’s obviously curly, but not out of control.
Then, in kindergarten, it got more assertive:
Wow, those bangs are some serious business. Also, that sweater is gorgeous. Very fashion forward.
Okay, before you scroll down, prepare yourself. I NEVER let people see this picture of me. But, I’ve decided it’s too hilarious to keep from the world any longer.
HOLY COW! WHAT HAPPENED? First of all, I had to wear glasses, and apparently, only adult-sized glasses were available at the time. Then, clearly, my hair took on a life of its own. Also, another great outfit. I used to call this my senorita dress. When I told my husband this, he died laughing. He still brings it up pretty often. He’s like, “Maybe when we go to dinner tonight you could wear your senorita dress and matching headband? That would be great.” And then he cackles to himself.
That’s my brother next to me. He’s so cute. He looks pretty annoyed to have to take a picture next to my hair-beast. I’m sure he’s thinking, “that headband is not doing much to wrangle that hair. Maybe try a grocery bag?”
So, from the age of eight until 15, my hair was INSANE. I had no idea how to style it. And it was the early ’90s so bangs were really in.
I’m about twelve in this picture. Why am I standing in a snowy tundra without a coat on? Because my mother and stepfather went through a phase where they thought I might be able to become a child model. (Not with THAT hair, I was’t’!) And so this picture is one that was taken by a photographer for head shots, I guess. Pretty awesome. Obv, I didn’t make it as a child, or any kind of model. Could be because I would sooner DIE than be a model. And, I clearly wasn’t model material.
I like to say that I went through a long awkward phase. Pretty much from the age of five until a few years ago.
Then when I got to high school, I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and would wear my hair like this ALL THE TIME:
In an old-lady bun. Because that’s the only way it would act right. That’s me in the giant Gap sweatshirt. I’m beginning to also see a pattern of bad fashion choices. Good God.
Now, I have finally learned how to manage it. At least during daylight hours. Here is a picture of me and my cute husband from a few years ago. See, how it seems to be acting cool?
But overnight, it’s still unstoppable. It’s like it takes on the properties of the end of a broom and becomes a fright wig. This is what the husband and the baby see in the mornings. At least the glasses are normal size now.
So, as you can see, curly hair is not for everyone. It takes courage and fortitude and a really good sense of humor.