Every summer here in Dallas, I get REAL pissed off. Because of the heat. It’s not just that I hate getting pit stains in my professional clothing (suits and whatnot), it’s also that I hate having a perpetual sweat ‘stache. It’s not cute.
It’s not even officially summer yet, and already I’m having my annual melt-down where I start wondering if maybe I’m manic depressive or bipolar. Or maybe I just can’t handle real life?
By mid-July, I will need someone to talk me down from the ledge and bail me out of jail for punching all of the people here in Texas who say they “love the heat.” How is THAT possible? Unless your actual job is lay on a float in a pool all day long and imbibe ice-cold adult beverages AND the pool remains cooler than bathwater, there is NO WAY you can love summer in Texas.
That brings me to appropriate clothing and outfit choices for 150 degree weather. Not all of us look good in mesh shirts and denim panties. Well, pretty much no one looks good in that shit.
So, what can we wear? It’s a conundrum. You don’t want to wear any of the shirts you really like because they will be instantaneously ruined by flop sweat. But you do want to try to look decent, if only to bolster your mood a little. I still don’t have the answer to this. I just buy a bunch of tank tops from Old Navy every year and wear one for each day of the week , except on weekends. I just stay in my pajamas then. I can tell by the look on Carl’s face when he sees me put one of the five colors (hot pink, yellow, black, white, light pink) on that it’s not really that awesome. In fact, it clearly makes him sad.
Listen, it’s hard enough to get through my daily chores and bullshit without getting in my boiling car and setting my ass on fire. The minute I get in my car to go to the grocery store or court, or wherever the fuck, and my face and neck starts DRIPPING sweat within seconds, I just want to give up, go back in the house, grab a Nestle Drumstick, lay down under the ceiling fan and slip slowly into madness. Who’s with me?