Smugness Abounds

I was reading Facebook the other day and I saw a post that made my blood BOIL.  It said something along the lines of “First-time moms crack me up.  They just need to learn that it’s like a band-aid.  Throw their kid in the classroom and then leave!”  Oh really?  Staying with your kid and comforting them if they are upset is somehow stupid or amateurish?  And having more than one kid somehow instantly makes you a better parent?  Because I’ve seen A LOT of evidence to the contrary.

But you know what?  Go ahead, leave your kid when she’s crying and take your little ass to Starbucks to hang out with your other mom friends who have it all figured out.  You deserve it!

Listen, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the statement.  I’ve left Olivia plenty of times when she’s crying because I knew she’d be okay in 30 seconds.   But sometimes, when she was really having a hard time, I would stay and talk to her for a few minutes.  I don’t care how parents handle the dropping off of their children.  AND WHY SHOULD I??  It’s none of my business.  What bothers me is the underlying sentiment in this statement.  The idea that some mothers, especially mothers who have it more than one child, have all the answers.

Why do moms need to say rude and smug things about other moms?  Does this make them feel better?  It’s bad enough that we all second-guess our parenting pretty much constantly.  Do we really need other moms, who SHOULD be sympathetic since they are in the same position, making us feel bad for our parenting choices?  It’s just another way for women to tear each other down.  Why do we do this to each other?  It’s hard enough to be a woman in this society without being criticized by your own people.  AND we all know how hard it is to be a good mother.  So, what is the point of this?  Are we all that insecure about our own parenting choices?  Is judging other moms down the only way to reassure ourselves about our own parenting?

Why can’t we say “I know that I am a good mother to MY child.  Every child is different and what may work for me and my child may not work for others.  Yes, on some days I struggle more than on others.  But I’m going to let myself of the hook because I know that I am only human and I know that I love my child. ”

Maybe, women everywhere can decide that we can stand behind each other.  That we can encourage and comfort each other.  No one else understands what it’s like to be a mom except for other moms.  Do you think your husband understands?  Or your friends who don’t have kids?  We could be each others’ greatest allies.  Why aren’t we?

Comments (1)

MarinaSeptember 28th, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I agree. That statement came across harsh. Truth is the only one that knows the child is the parent. That would never work with my girls. They need more assurance. And if I think I am teaching them independence throwing them out like that, I am doing the exact opposite!

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