I maintain the right to whine, but not do anything to solve the problem.
Lisa and I were talking yesterday and I was whining about all of the things I have to do in the next few weeks and about why my life is so hard (waah). And I asked if there is any way I can just give up on life. How do I do that? Just lay down in a heap on the floor and stop breathing? (Which, incidentally, I wish my dog, Milli, would do. Preferably before I give birth to the second baby in a few months.) And Lisa said this to me: “Dude, you’re not taking proper advantage of your pregnancy.” I said, “really? I’ve been eating mountains of food every two hours. And I’ve turned into a super-dick. For example, if I roll my eyes at Carl one more time, I’m pretty sure he’s just going to go ahead and get his own place.” (Seriously, I had to call him the other day while he was at work and apologize for my general assholish behavior. He was pretty understanding. He said, “that’s okay. I know you’re really uncomfortable being 7 months pregnant and all.” Which is partly true. But mostly everything is just pissing me off. )
Lisa said “Yes, that’s all good. But you need to lie down and not move. Tell everyone that your doctor says you need a week of bed rest.” So, I’ve been thinking about this. It sounds pretty appealing. But I would kind of feel like a hypocrite because I am very critical of people (usually pregnant women) who treat pregnancy as a disability. IT’S NOT A DISABILITY. Unless you work in the coal mines, you can still do your job while you’re pregnant. I am always shocked at the number of women who want to quit their jobs or go on maternity leave WHILE THEY’RE PREGNANT. And do what, exactly? Lay around and grow a fetus? Is that a full-time job? I can do that while texting, writing rude blogs, and being a part-time lawyer and a full-time lyrical assassin. Sooo, what’s the deal, ladies?
Am I missing out on one of the greatest joys of pregnancy? Bed rest and lazing about? Or am I right? We should be able to do what’s expected of us, just at a slower and whinier pace? Please weigh in. I really need some feedback on this. Obviously, I’m too close to this issue to see it clearly.
***Also, if your doctor orders bed rest, I’m not such an asshole that I would advocate not bed-resting. But if your best friend orders bed rest, I think there might be some wiggle room there, no? Somehow, I don’t think my husband and my two-year-old would be real keen on me saying “Lisa said I need to lie down. And watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And if one of you could massage my feet? That’d be great. What? I’m growing a baby.”