Text Exchange Re: miscellaneous items

Note:  At the beginning of this exchange, we are discussing the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion show.  Please note how we discuss these people as if we know them personally.  We have an addiction, obviously.  But these are still worthwhile observations that should be recorded for posterity.

 

Lisa: I’m so glad they showed that clip of Brooks saying the bomb dot com.

Marianne: I know!  He’s a fucking spectacle

Lisa: He really is.
Dude Vicki is SUCH a BITCH.
What a cunt!

Marianne: I know. I HAAATTTEEE her

Lisa:  She’s the fucking WORST
Don was having an affair for 20 years? WTF?

Marianne: Yeah right.  That’s horse shit.
Even if he was, she deserved it. Fucking whore

Lisa:  That this whore sits there and says her daughter was lying when she was out there?!?!!!
I’ve never seen anything like it. Brooks and Vicki deserve each other.

Marianne: Yep
Brianna needs to tell her to fuck off PERMANENTLY

Lisa: I can’t believe they’re all living together!

Marianne: I know. HORROR.  Maybe Vicki can have an “accident” while they’re living together.
Like a fall down the stairs or an unfortunate and deadly incident with the blender

Lisa: That’s a good idea.
Maybe hit her head and fall in the pool and drown

Marianne: Perfect

Lisa: So how’s it going over there?

Marianne: One fucking thing after the other. My car battery died Tuesday while I was at the park with the kids and it was a million degrees out
And apparently since its a Volkswagen the battery is under the drivers seat

Lisa: Jesse Christ.

Marianne: It costs 350 American dollars to replace
Goddamn Germans

Lisa:  WHAT.  FOR A BATTERY???!!!!
Fuck almighty!

Marianne: I love “Jesse Christ”
That’s Jesus’ younger fuckup of a brother

Lisa: Me too. That’s why I left it.
He’s the one who lays on the couch all day in his bathrobe. Hitting his bong and watching Judge Judy.

Marianne: HAHA! Yes.
But other than that things are fine

Lisa: Well it sounds awesome.

Marianne: How are you? Still on death’s door?

Lisa: Yes. Goddamned augmentin hasn’t done jack shit. Going back to the dr at 3:15. I feel worse than ever.

Marianne: Good god.
Please tell me you’re laying down

Lisa: Uh, no. How would that be possible?
The doctor Sunday night told me to rest and I laughed in his stupid face.

Marianne: Haha!

Lisa: Dick.

Marianne: You should have been like “okay. I’ll drop my kids by your house around 6:00. They’ll need dinner. THANKS.”

Lisa: Yeah! He’s probably like, what’s the big deal? I just lie down whenever I feel like it, at my house.
Of course you do. You’re a dude.

Marianne: Asshat
Meanwhile his wife is cooking dinner and cleaning the house and plotting his death

Lisa:Isn’t that what we all do?

Marianne: Yes
Sometimes I’ll see Carl sitting down watching TV and if he saw the murderous look that crossed my face he would be terrified.

Lisa: I think he’s pretty much terrified all the time.